He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
