I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
