everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
