I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
