Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
