I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
