don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
