I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Semen is not good for contacts.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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