I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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