Screwed.edu
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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