i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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