Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
