Just fell off a train. Bad.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
stop calling my apartment porn island.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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