we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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