i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This is my gift to your gina
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
