Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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