yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We need to get me chipped asap
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
