Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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