Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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