Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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