i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
