I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
