I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
