i just had sex bonerless
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have aggressive nipples.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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