its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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