It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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