How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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