Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
