You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
