I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
