Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
