I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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