Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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