Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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