Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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