That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
