Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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