I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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