It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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