I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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