I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
