Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
