So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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