guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
