he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
