im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
