Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
