I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
