WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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