I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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