Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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