You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
