Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
