I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
