Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
