I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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