We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i've created a new STD.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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