GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
