Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
