but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
