Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
