Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
