you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
