I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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