Duck Duck Cougar?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
