woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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