and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
