wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
