I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
well you can't waste a boner
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
