people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
