You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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