Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
