i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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