My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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