i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
