She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize