The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
