They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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