yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so let's talk penis.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
