I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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