i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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