Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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