Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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