Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
